Mindfulness and Grief
The circle of life and my meditation practice all lead to a better understanding of mindfulness and grief. I’m in Tucson, attending a funeral. I honestly didn’t have the time to get to a normal Monday post, but I wrote some notes on the plane and made a video in the hotel room.
Things I’ve learned
In the video, I talk about some of the things I’ve learned that kept me centered and mindful through this tough time. Some of the highlights:
My meditation practice
My meditation practice is helping me to navigate attending a funeral across the country unexpectedly. This post is so-named because I took three different flights with layovers to get from North Carolina to Arizona.
It is times like these that I become so incredibly grateful for my practice.
My birth father
You may recall the post I did back in April called, “The Nine Spiritual Things You Learn While Traveling.” In that post I referenced how you can get better at communication. It was because I went to see my birth father.
He passed away a few days ago. I wasn’t sure whether to attend the funeral. In the end I did so because I wanted to be a support to the family and pay my respects. He was my dad. I did it to get to know his family a little better.
I’ve always known that even though he gave me up for adoption, he did so out of love. It is that love that unexpectedly brings up pangs of sadness, too. Actually, not pangs. Moments that envelop all my senses in grief.
These types of experiences shape who we are, you know? The painful ones, the ones that shove you out of your comfort zone are meant, I think, to mold and shape your character to mold you into the person you need to become.
It is in that spirit that I wanted to share – in case it helps others – things I have remembered to do as someone on a mindful journey:
Breathing
To keep breathing. Flying isn’t exactly conducive to calm – at least for me it isn’t; I’m not big into crowds and then there’s the heights thing. I’m sure everyone has something that they have troubles with and this is where breathing comes in. Deep breaths really help to slow things down, to slow you down.
Labeling emotions
To label my emotions. It’s okay to feel what you feel – they are feelings. When I find myself asking,”‘why am I sad”? This sweet man wasn’t really part of my life, or even that I “need to be strong” or this or that – there is no particular way you’re supposed to feel. You just let the feelings come as they come. And label them.
Healing power of music
To listen to my playlist. I listen to it a lot; it’s automatically comforting. I did so again on the plane. Interestingly, I had to smile when the plane was taking off and there was this crescendo in the orchestra from a song playing through my headphones…it sort of brought the flying experience to a whole new level.
Taking to the written word
To write. This is what works for me. You probably know what works for you. Perhaps it is listening to music, drawing, painting, cooking or otherwise allowing yourself to immerse in something that gives you comfort. I wrote a eulogy of sorts – though I don’t even know if anyone will ever hear it.
Walking mindfully
To walk. Walking mindfully through airports and to nearby places from the hotel. Instead of taking escalators and elevators, use your body, let it move and release that stress energy.
Smoke-cleansing / Smudging
To smoke-cleanse. Smudge before leaving the house for travel protection – to shield yourself and also to ground yourself – knowing that you’re going to be around a lot of people with a lot of different energies.
And…I had to share – the song my dad played for me when I saw him last spring. The lyrics say so much; he could no longer speak, so he used the music to do so.
I’m sorry for your loss Cynthia. Kudos for finding love in heart to go and support him and his family. Sending gentle hugs.
Brad – thank you – so much – for the gentle hugs. I felt them in my travels and in my participation of the funeral. Everyone’s thoughts and well-wishes helped me remain strong. Thank you for your friendship and I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving week.
I praise you for remembering to use your tool box to make it through your loss.
@SpiritualJourney17 – thank you so much. Nice to see you here and I appreciate the sentiments. I hope you have a wonderful holiday week (if you’re in the US. Have a wonderful week anyways if you’re not in the US) and thank you again!
Sending you love, light and a bushel of hugs, dear Cynthia. Hoping that you will take good and gentle care of yourself during this time of loss.
Thank you for sharing your birth father’s song to you – so meaningful. Love you, Maria
Mar – oh, sweet Mar! I’ll take that love, light and bushel of hugs. I feel them and I cherish them. The outpouring of love and support here has meant so much to me. I am taking it easy today, the first day I’m back. Responding to comments, drinking tea, and even slept in. I’m so glad that school is closed this week for the holiday so I can have some time to recover and just be.
That song makes me tear up almost every time I listen. But the lyrics are so true of his life as it related to mine…he was so incredibly generous and giving. I hope folks say the same about me someday…Sending you hugs! Thank you.
(Our efforts) to develop and improve ourselves are manifested when our actions/responses reflect our intentions and practice. As with all of the better approaches to self-improvement, your actions give credence (and life) to your advice and teachings.
Clark – I truly love your insights, friend! I really do try to live out my principles and convictions. You said that here in a very Castaneda-like way. When I was out in Arizona, I met a family member who’s mother was Yaqui Indian. I believe that’s what Don Juan was, but I could be mistaken. I just now thought of that. I didn’t put that together when I was out there, but I’m thinking there’s a powerful message there somewhere. I just happened to sit across from him…hmm…
In any case, if I could ever write half the book that Castaneda did – in terms of influence, power, and awesomeness – then I’ll be doing all right. 🙂
Dang…I really need to go on a vision quest.
I’m sorry for your loss, Lil Sis…not sure how I would have felt about my birth parents’ deaths, had I known them….surely some sense of loss, but I can’t say for sure.
Wishing you peace and love this week, and of course an extra helping of hugs coming your way.
Big Bro – thank you, sweet friend! Those among us who are adopted, whether in the family or not – will understand. Attending the funeral was more difficult than I thought, to be honest. It affected me far more than I had any idea it would. I suppose it’s because I kept in touch from time to time with his side of the family and my “real grandmother” also suffered the loss of her husband last month. She also lost another son about 20 years ago. I went for her, for my real-dad and for myself. I’m glad I did. I learned a lot about him that I didn’t know, but it was also hard because his family shared so many stories about him that I never was able to witness with them. In some ways I felt like an impostor of a daughter, while knowing that I really was his daughter. Spending time with his mom, my grandmother, ended up being quite special. Thank you for your kind words again. Sending you big hugs, too!
When I came by earlier this post was not up.. But you know dearest Cynthia from my heart to your heart how much love I send over the airwaves to help heal your grief.. Reading your comments, I am happy it “ended up feeling quiet special “… Love and Blessings.. Always <3
Sweet Sue – thank you, thank you! It was quite special. From that came a few ideas such as “The Mindfulness Letters.” It’s a little project I’ve got in my back pocket for when I have a little more time. A little hint: it involves writing letters to random people. Hehe.
My heart will probably always ache for my real dad – for so many reasons – but I also smile knowing that I can talk to him anytime now, and I know that he’ll hear. Now…if I could just get him to talk to me in my dreams, because I’ve had a lot of dreams about him in the past couple of weeks…
In any case, I hope you are well. Sending you hugs on this beautiful Sunday! xo
I’m glad we could be a help to you Cynthia. May your heart and belly be full. 🙂
Brad – thank you! So much. 🙂