Selflessness Mandala
After contemplating Chapter 7 of the Tao te Ching, this is the resulting mandala. As I worked, different thoughts would come to me, even as my mind stilled:
This chapter was, so far, the most profound one I have read, contemplated, and created a mandala to, yet.
The search of my…self
Before speaking to how I came up with the name for this mandala, I must first tackle the subject of “finding myself.” For much of my life, I have wondered and searched high and low for the perfect profession, or the perfect thing that I’m supposed to do with my life that would magically answer all the questions to what I was looking for.
This career or that?
When I was in high school, I wondered if I was supposed to be an astronaut. Later, I wondered if I was supposed to be a doctor. Over the years in my teens and 20s, I would ruminate over and over again about what I was supposed to do with my life. “Follow your passion” they would say. I found that when I would just do what I loved, it would lose its significance and meaning to me in a way that it is not truly describable.
When I had an art studio, for example, I would worked on my art each day for an entire summer. By the end of the summer, I was rather depressed. You would think that I would have been glad to have worked in a studio all summer creating stunning paintings. Rather, by the end I realized that this was not for me – at least the approach I was taking. Obviously, I love to create things.
I was creating art for art sake, but it was devoid of the spiritual aspect. Effectively, I sat in my studio room, hardly ever seeing another person, even though I was located downtown in the little town where I lived. I questioned myself, wondering how in the world I was helping humanity by creating southwestern-looking paintings while I lived in the southeastern part of the US.
Cultivating the Writing Muse
Not long after, I moved out of my studio, and moved on to other things. I thought that perhaps my next endeavor would be something that had to do with writing. I was already teaching, and consider that my contribution to humanity. As I would write articles, and see online traffic coming to them, I felt proud that I was able to bring in a little extra side income from the words I produced in my mind. And to some degree, I felt a little better about myself. I was helping people by writing articles they could use. Still, there was a stirring in my heart that never seemed to settle down. I always looked for the perfect thing to write, or if I felt like creating artowrk, I would try to fuse the two pursuits together in a fruitless effort to try to do something that would contribute to humanity. I never really found it.
On to Meditation
One day, in a job where I was extraordinarily busy, a colleague approached me and asked about my ability to stay calm and really tricky situations. I let this colleague know that I was really into meditation, and it really helped to calm and distress my mind and my body. This person suggested that I should teach it. Fast forward two years, and I’d completed a 200 hour meditation course. In an effort to make money, I opened up shop, and hired a business coach to “help me to do all the business things correctly.”
Deciding Not to Teach
Almost immediately, I found that there was no way I could sell something that was so spiritual and so close to my soul. I’d invested not a small sum of money and trying to start a meditation business. It taught me an important lesson: the pursuit of money, and selling things, was never supposed to be my goal. I was never meant to “sell” spirituality. Nor was I ever meant to pursue things just to make an extra buck.
Back to the Idea of Selflessness
Too many people in our society pursue the almighty dollar. What happens is we don’t cultivate the relationships we should to make life really worth living. We don’t allow ourselves the time and the experiences needed to make us truly happier and more contemplative.
It was during this chapter, that I realized that I was trying to pursue “being somebody.” These were all the wrong goals. I realize that I’m here on a spiritual journey, and that takes precedence over everything else. Admittedly, I’ve always had a strong desire to live so that I can work, versus working so that I can live.
The World Doesn’t Need More Successful People
The world really doesn’t need more people to make more money, or more leaders to assume positions to stroke their egos.
What the world needs is people who appreciate nature and who want to save it.
What the world needs is people who want to stand up for what is right and what is just and what is equitable in the eyes of all.
What the world needs is compassionate people with big hearts to spread more love.
Have I Been Selfless?
This chapter made me take a hard look at myself. Have a truly been selfless in my adult life? I have tried to be a good person, I have tried to be someone that could be as generous as I could. Granted, I understand that people with a lot of money can really make a difference by contributing large sums to foundations or organizations that work for the greater good. But for me, I haven’t spent enough time volunteering. I’ve spent my time working, and then trying to pursue side gigs that would allow me to make a little bit extra money so that I could pay whatever it is I wanted to pay off sooner, or buy something, or otherwise not pursue the experiences in the relationships that are so critical for a well-lived life.
The End Result
That this journey is so spiritual, that I feel like I’m almost not allowed to think about the end result – either of the mandalas themselves or the end of this project. All I know, is that I don’t know where this journey is going exactly, but I think it’s also a selfless act to “trust the journey.”
Perhaps that could be the name of this mandala: Trust the journey.