A New Normal
What do I mean when I say “new normal”? It comes from meditation. It’s that thing that happens when you realize that while you are the same person. But, meditation has completely changed you for the better.
Recently I was speaking with my friends Clark and Denise. I participate in a call-in every so often over at the Wakefield Doctrine. The topic meandered to meditation and its benefits.
What benefits do I see from meditation?
I’ve been a meditator so long that there are times when I wonder if it’s still doing me a huge benefit.
I mean, I meditate for an hour every morning, and often another half hour in the afternoons. (And not always easy to fit that kind of time into my life, but it can be done, people. It can be done.)
Just when I think that, however, all the ways in which meditation has benefited my life come flooding into my mind. They are what keep me going back to my cushion day, after day, after day, after day.
I’ve talked about the reasons I meditate, but I’m not sure if I’ve related why I started meditating in the first place, or even WHY I keep going.
Reducing anxiety
I’ve always been an anxious person. You can’t tell on the outside. I hide it well. But my personality type (INFP) means I lean toward anxiety. Serious anxiety.
Other women in my family have had it, too. Some have even had to be hospitalized. Some or all have taken medication for it.
And it’s not just my family. I have friends, coworkers, and colleagues who all describe feeling mid- to high-level anxiety. Every. Single. Day.
I didn’t want to be another person who marched to the doctor to ask for a prescription to fix it. Nor did I want to endure the ensuing health problems from living a life of stress and anxiety.
I began a regular practice of meditation for spiritual reasons in 2008. I quickly realized, however, that meditation tempered my anxiety – measurably.
Let me give two examples of how I knew it was working.
Facing tragedy
I knew something was very wrong when I had 20+ calls from family members one Saturday night in 2011. For a few moments before calling my sister, I centered myself. I braced for the tragic news I knew was coming. I didn’t know what, but I knew it wasn’t good.
When I reached my sister on the phone, she informed me that my oldest brother had passed away. I felt the currents of electric suffering bolt through my heart.
I let my sister cry tears of anguish as I listened. I knew I wanted to just “be there” – to bear witness to the raw emotions that I knew everyone was feeling. I felt a huge sense of loss and my own hot tears wet my cheeks.
But through it all, I was aware of my breath. I was aware of the subtle energy of the universe telling me that it would be all right. Not in that moment. Not for a long while. But it would be all right.
My mantra came to me as I got off the phone. As my senses were still numbed from the shock, my practice came into full gear. My mantra echoed in my head. I knew – I just knew – that my brother was safe. His spirit was all around. Just in a different form.
My meditation practice helped me
I went into meditation that evening. I recited my mantra, which also became my affirmation as I wrote my brother’s eulogy and traveled across the country to be with my parents and family.
My practice helped center me and kept me from breaking down as I witnessed so many around me feel the brunt of their emotions wash over them uncontrollably.
I found myself wishing that if they had known a centering practice, that this terrible event might not have rocked their foundations so markedly.
There was also acceptance. Acceptance of the situation. And the knowing that I would return to my own center sooner, rather than later.
In other words, my practice helped me to process my emotions, bear witness to others’ and return to normal, sooner.
Dealing with life coming from all directions
Another example comes from a few years ago. I was directing an after-school program.
I was responsible for coordinating field trips, ordering supplies, hiring (and letting people go), scheduling, creating curriculum, being a liaison between four different agencies, facilitating and creating trainings for staff, and more.
Needless to say, I was rather swamped with things to do. I also had the stress of knowing that my funding could run out within a year.
I was helping younger students, directing tutors, dealing with parents, and tending to a child who needed a band-aid. We were on a field trip, and I was trying to sort out groups of students to make sure they were with the right tutors.
I also had to make sure that everyone had a ticket, that our group paid the correct amount, and that students and tutors alike had snacks and water for their journey. I had the help of a colleague (thank goodness) to help with this field trip.
My “secret”
Afterward, I remember my colleague coming to my office and point-blank asking me “my secret.” She observed how I was incredibly calm and centered all through the field trip.
I told her of my meditation practice. I also told her that I was aware of my breathing throughout the day. On and off, I will come back to the breath, as a way of re-centering. That got her started, too, on a meditation practice.
My new normal
Now, my new normal consists of being less anxious. I recover from it more quickly when I do feel a wave of anxiousness.
My new normal means that I have more compassion for others. I can be more present, and more aware of not only my emotions, but the emotions of others.
I am more focused, and creative. (Have you seen the other parts of this website!?)
I am more responsive and much less reactive.
And that is why I knew I needed to teach meditation. It’s a new way of being. And it feels great.
The survey
I also wanted to thank all of you who participated in the online survey I sent out. You are so incredibly helpful.
You are helping me to help you!
I promised that one of you would get a $25 gift card for your time. I did a drawing of all the emails and my sweet blogger friend, Janine, had her email drawn. Congrats!
Screenshot of the survey drawing. I conducted the drawing from random-ize.com.
Even reading your post this afternoon Cynthia brought calm and peace.. I found myself breathing that much deeper as I felt those hot tears and grief of your brothers passing.
I am so pleased that your meditation practice helped centre you my friend and helped you cope so well during that stressful time of organising that field trip and all that went along with it..
If only more could understand the importance of breath…
So enjoyed this post.. And I hope more and more people come to understand the NEW NORMAL..
Love and Blessings dearest friend..
Sue <3
Sue – this warms my heart. And I promise to get to your other phenomenal comments. Just catching up over here. It’s also the International Day of Peace – so I’m sending you love, harmony and beautiful thoughts to wrap around you in peace!
When I read things that talk about the breath and bring my attention to it, I always find that my breathing slows down and I feel so much more peaceful.
I know – intuitively so – that you understand this on such a deep level, my friend. You have such a gift and you ARE such a gift to the world. I am so, so glad to know you, to share in wisdom, compassion and understanding. I know one day soon we will meet!
And may we come back to the breath in ever-greater numbers to experience the new normal because it is a “normal” that is worth striving for.
Sending you love and blessings, wishes for a wonderful weekend! Big, big hugs coming your way! 🤗🤗🤗
I too found myself relaxing, and noticing my breath. Thanks for sharing your peace and practice Cynthia. Kudos on your dedication to meditation.
Dear Brad – ah, thank you for saying that. It’s validating to see and hear that the things I’m trying to say do have an effect. Thank you always for your kindness and support and for coming over to share your wisdom. 🙂 Sending hugs!
Aw, Cyndi sorry I am little late this morning. It is my day to book FastPasses for our next Disney trip. It needs to be done 60 days out and today is exactly 60 days until the trip. So, I got on early this morning. But Disney’s System for this was glitchy and I had to wait to get back in until the girls were off to school. Needless to say, I should have meditated as I was anything but calm throughout this ordeal LOL! But seriously, I appreciate you sharing your wisdom and experiences of how it has helped with your anxiety. Also, thanks again for the gift certificate. You truly made my Sunday brighter when I saw the email and Tweet from you! Hugs and Happy Monday now xoxo <3
Sweet Janine! Don’t ever worry about being late. I just enjoy seeing you and I know that you’re incredibly busy, too – so for you to take the time to come over each week is a priceless gift to me. 😍 I hope all the Disney planning went well. I’m sorry it was glitchy. Hehe. That reminds me of the other day I was helping someone to figure out the Zoom platform, and I couldn’t for the life of me get the video recording function to work. A couple hours later it occurred to me to restart the person’s computer and…it worked! I kept breathing and checking my level of frustration and it helped to keep me calm. But whew…there were still moments. lol. And thank you for your willingness to complete my survey. That helped so, so much! I can’t wait to create things in the future that are exactly a reflection of what you and others have told me. Happy Friday and International day of peace to you! Sending hugs!
The perfect post to end a Monday, thank you for sharing your words of wisdom on Meditation sweet friend. I promise, it never gets old. I feel like I need your reminders over and over and over again on the benefits of meditating. I know I need to be doing this to ease some of my own anxiety, but I’m still struggling to get into some kind of routine. I need a meditation challenge! Hehe. Hope you’re having a wonderful day and I’m glad you’re safe over there xx
Sweet Melanie! How awesome to see you – you make me smile so! Thank you for coming over and sharing your words of wisdom and feedback, too! I learned in my meditation training that the repetition is good because in the moment, it’s good to be reminded of those practices that are good for the mind. And you saying that you’re struggling to get into some routine helps me to think about what I can do as I roll out different things that can help. I hope you’ve had a wonderful week and I will be in touch! Sending you lots of peace, joy and love! xoxo
I created a new normal twelve years ago. Now I’m fine-tuning it daily, and I love the process. Great post, Lil Sis! So many people are resigned to their way of life, even if they are miserable. They seem to not understand they have the power to change it all for the better. It begins with willingness to change and yes, sometimes change is painful, but it is so very beneficial as well….just random thoughts on this cloudy Monday. Sending hugs in your direction.
Big Bro! I understand what you mean. I’m fine-tuning my “normal,” too. Haha. Thank you for your feedback – that means a lot coming from you when you give a compliment. That’s high praise from a darned good writer, such as yourself! I can’t “resign” myself. That just doesn’t serve me well. I’m always trying to evolve and experience life to the fullest. It’s just what I do and have to do…
Even still, when it comes to change, I can always do better but the awareness of that makes it possible. 🙂 Sending you big hugs from sunny Cackalack. I hope you’ve had a great week. Can’t wait til you get to be writing more. 🙂
Enjoyed the conversation this Saturday passed. One of things I believe I mentioned was that part (of my practice) is to find new ‘word tools’, i.e. expressions, concepts, descriptions and terms that, through someone’s creativity or an innate characteristic, possess a power to help me ‘see farther’ than I might otherwise be able to (at a given moment).
Thank you for ‘new normal’. What a concept. What a word tool. Very much a koan (which can be word tools, in and of themselfs), but this one! New: unique, prior-non-existent, arguably one-time product of creativity and Nomal: ordinary, routine, familiar, the way things have always been.
So, why the heck not?! Of course, the power and efficacy of good word tools lies very much in the mind of the wielder (lol) however this combination really does challenge one’s assumptions in a most productive manner.
Is a ‘new normal’ normal or does it require a certain longevity, can something be new and never normal? All of this is (for me) a reminder that routines, while often having a certain practical value, is ultimately conservative (as opposed to creative)… reminders are good.
Excellent post, yo
Clark – awesome comment, yo. And thanks for the inspiration for this post. 🙂 Yes, I remember you mentioning word tools, and how even Castaneda has provided you with some, as well. Gosh I really want to read more of those books and re-read the ones I have. Putting those on the list. I am in the process of reading a few others at the moment, but I’ll get to them.
I love the idea of doing something or using expressions, concepts, etc. to give me the power to “see farther” than I might otherwise, as well. This is something I think I’ve always searched for. Personally for me, I feel like meditation helps me with that, but it’s not the complete puzzle. There are other elements for sure.
“New normal” as a word tool isn’t bad, no? A novel routine. Yup. Such is my life these days. And it’s ALL about the mind. The mind is such a powerful instrument and too many people underestimate its potential. In the right modality, it’s infinitely powerful. I have yet to experience that kind of power, but I have had glimpses of this potential.
New and never normal is just as valid. Because if you think about the definition of normal, what is normal is actually different for everyone. And so, the new never normal becomes a paradigm that even the normal for what might be unusual becomes a paragon. (I’m liking my special “p-words” today. Ha!)
Thank you for your thought-provoking comment. I had fun with it. 🙂 Sending hugs!
You’re most welcome Cynthia. Peace and hugs!
Hugs to you!!🤗🤗
Thank you Cyndi. For the link out and for this post. Truly, as we talked about last week, finding the path to the place of calm, of clearing the mind of distraction,of finding focus on nothing and everything. How can there not be positive results from that. Clark and I were talking tonight about you and this post and I mentioned how it blows me away that you meditate an hour a day minimum. A practice I might aspire to but which I don’t believe I am capable. And yet, I can spend an hour working out in the gym. So what is the difference? Movement vs stillness. It is an hour committed to making our self better. Small steps. Like anything begun at the beginning, one step turns to 2, 5 minutes turns to 10 etc. It is a goal of mine to make meditation a no fail habit. I believe your site will help in that regard!
Sweet Denise! Thank YOU for your awesomeness. 🙂 That’s funny that you and Clark were talking about this. I thought about calling, and then we ended up getting busy. But, haha…my “evil” plan is working: I’ve got you thinking about all this. MUAHAHA. 😀 Anyways, an hour…yes, I generally do an hour to an hour and a half a day, sometimes more, sometimes less – it just depends on my schedule. But well…if I’m a teacher, I SHOULD be doing something substantial so that I can walk my talk, me thinks. But it’s a matter of working up to it. For years I did 20-30 minutes a day. Then I built up to an hour. It takes time. Small steps, like you said. But honestly, if you can build up to 20 minutes in the morning, you’ll be good to go. I promise. And if you ever incorporate an afternoon session, it would be the same thing: building up to twenty minutes. And making it a no-fail habit!? I love that. I know you’ll do it. 🙂 Sending you hugs on this Monday and wishes for a wonderful week!
Dear Cynthia,
Sometimes creating a “new normal” is out of one’s control. As I’ve learned the end result
can still be life-altering and fabulous.
Your posts are validating and calming to me – especially as the last couple weeks have
been busier than usual.
Love, hugs and thanks, Maria
Sweet Mar – hehe, thank you! The new normal can most-definitely be life-altering and fabulous. 🙂 I am so glad to know that these posts are helpful. Just you wait: I have lots of things in the pipeline, my friend. I haven’t forgotten that you have asked about loving kindness meditations and the like. Good changes are a-comin! 😀